Let’s face it, love feels good. That’s why women crave it so much. Besides, as women, we are working against Nature. Let’s approach love from a biological perspective. Our main animal function is to procreate. That’s it. We are reduced to our most common denominator. Animals do it without even thinking or theorizing about it, it’s called instinct. We are animals, albeit creative and intelligent ones, but nonetheless animals.
We are meant to procreate just like every other species on the planet. Nature has designed women to be attracted to men, and vice-versa, or humans to be attracted to each other. When that happens, Nature takes over. Once a woman has “bonded” with a man, this inexplicable need to “nest” and “enmesh” takes over. This isn’t weakness or low self- esteem, as many self-helpers would have you believe, this is Nature trying to complete her prime objective: which is to have you bring human life into this world. All those things a woman feels when she falls in love or lust are the natural flow of things.
You are supposed to feel them: that’s why you do. I have read more books than I care to mention that make women feel “less-then” because a natural cycle is triggered when she starts the bonding process with a man. We are supposed to seek out a man we are attracted to and bond with him. Nature is smart; we are all subconsciously seeking different things, but nonetheless still seeking him-who-we must-bond-with. When we find “him” we let our guard down, we nest and enmesh, and it gets us into a lot of trouble in the modern world. In fact, because we live in the modern world, the cycle keeps repeating itself into infinity. That’s why no matter what you learn about yourself through each relationship, or how much money you spend in therapy getting over “him”, or ice-cream you eat, or girl’s night out you attend, the moment you meet the next enmeshment, you will throw everything you have learned right out the window with the morning trash and start the cycle all over again. The good news is now you can understand the real reason why this keeps happening to you.
Have you ever wondered why you can see immediately that you girlfriend’s boyfriend is a loser/cheater/scab and so on, and she can’t? It’s simple. It’s called pheromones and serotonin. This is really about understanding the simple science of it all. There are two ways of looking at this.
One way is the mystical way that gets us all into trouble. Women tend to make love into a life function like “breathing”. They can’t live without it, the feelings and emotions that course through their bodies would rival the love of Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Anthony, Edward and Bella. Yes, those feelings are real, but the trick is to understand what the feelings are. The biological function simply put, are a little, potent, chemical called pheromones.
Pheromone is a chemical that your brain secretes when you meet someone you are attracted to. In fact, pheromones tell you that the person is in the vicinity and your interest in that person suddenly peaks. You can literally smell them from across the room…at least your brain can, even if you are not aware of it. Everybody has their own personal scent or pheromone that they are attracted to. What is important to remember here is that once your brain starts secreting that highly- potent jagged little chemical, there is nothing you can really do about it, until it runs its course. That can be anywhere from a couple of weeks, until one or two years. Pheromones cloud your ability to make judgments about the person you are with.
In fact, what you are really experiencing is that person through a pheromone filter. No matter what they do, the pheromone will cover it. It is like starting a sentence but being unable to finish it. For example, you may think to yourself; “he doesn’t have a job that pays enough, and he hasn’t finished high school, so I shouldn’t be with….but he makes me feel so good and we are in love.”
That’s the pheromone. It makes you stupid and forces to live in the moment. Because at this moment what you are feeling is incredibly intoxicating. Without the pheromone you would think to yourself, “He’s too much trouble, it can’t work. I don’t want to mould him into the man he can be, but be with a man who is already complete, he doesn’t want to get married, he has too much baggage, and we really aren’t compatible….”
You can’t get to that kind logic once pheromones are secreted. Once your brain starts secreting the pheromone you won’t be able to think things through. In fact, you will be so busy having lots of pheromone induced sex, which will burn in your memory for years to come, that you won’t think about it about for a long time. A very long time. In fact, Nature has designed it so that when you finally do realize it, it should be too late.
Pheromone induced sex is the best sex you are ever going to have in your lifetime. It’s even better than the “Deeper meaning sex” that comes from being with the same person for years. I can tell you stories about my own escapades….but I won’t. What I can tell you, you already know. That when you are in love you don’t need food; that loves is all that you crave at the moment. That you would not trade this crazy, exciting, drunken love, because it makes you feel like you have discovered a magical elixir.
When you are love, the world zooms out and there is only the two of you. Love will fill you with the magic of legends. That magic will burn through you. Fill you. Burn away logic and reason…and you will embrace that insanity because at that moment you are a goddess, and you know everything.
Everything is revealed through you.
You will make love.
You will breathe air and wonder at the miracle of each atom.
When he touches you, you will feel each cell individually—and it will be electric.
When you look at him, you will see past him and be able to read his thoughts, his future, and his undying desire to have you.
All of his flaws will disappear and your magic, your love, your pheromones, will cleanse him and restore him to biblical proportions.
I could go on and on, but that’s what love is. It’s a chemical called pheromone. I guess you could call it magic of sorts. But beware; once it has you, you are hopeless because IT WILL overpower you. And the loss of not having that love, or to be more exact, your brain secreting pheromone, is what you will grieve. That’s why you can’t see the truth about who you are really enmeshing with and everyone else can. This is what is supposed to happen in Nature. In some sense you will be like a goddess that has lost her magic, or a junkie who needs their drugs.
The emptiness and loss of it all you will crave. But, that’s part of the process. The more you understand the process, the more you will be able to make better decisions before you are caught up in the moment. We have all been there; your experience with love/pheromone isn’t any different from anyone else’s. Here is the reason why this happens.
In Nature, women are supposed to meet a man that they are attracted to, you are supposed to have lots of pheromone induced sex, and at the same time a nesting instinct will also start surfacing. And, you are supposed to get pregnant. That’s the whole point of the elaborate mating dance, albeit a very exciting one. That’s why some women exclaim during sex; “I want to have your baby,” or “I love you,” or men “I want you to be the mother of my children.” It’s the pheromones talking. And we judge them, saying that they are crazy, they just met, how can the feel all those things already? Now you know the answer—pheromones. The reality is they are experiencing those feelings and they are real.
You now have several choices. You can:
1. Know what you are dealing with and accept it.
2. Pretend that somehow your love is pure, and different than what everybody else feels, because, “You love him,” and end up in the same place as everyone else anyway.
3. Choose to make an informed decision before you allow your brain to secrete pheromones about what you actually want out of this relationship, and how will it end. And you can end up living a very fulfilled life without; multiple “baby daddies’, ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, and shot-to-hell-credit from all the instability.
I have actually over the course of my life have acquired most of the things on that list, so I will have to get back to you on that one. It’s really too late for me, but there is hope for you.
Review:
1. Nature wants women to have enmeshment with me so that they produce babies.
2. In Nature, after a female produces her young, she doesn’t really concern herself with the male, and the male doesn’t concern himself with her too much either. In fact in many species males will kill his young given half the chance. The male is only concerned with one thing: acquiring the next vagina.
3. Males have a biological need to mate with different females. That’s why they get bored and cheat.
4. Monogamy is not natural for males. It’s a concept constructed by humans to help with the child rearing process, and provide stability.
Test: To see what you have learned.
What will you do the next time you met a guy you are intensely attracted to? Choose A,B, C, or D.
A. Forget everything and have mind-blowing pheromone induced sex.
B. Fall madly in love and start day-dreaming about your destination wedding.
C. Say to yourself, “Oh well, you only live once. What’s the worse that could happen?”
D. Recognize that when Tennyson said, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” that he was smoking his opium pipe.